cobweb_diamond

1. My brother is awesome. His new Facebook picture is him in the snow, pointing a gun (not a real gun, obv) at a typewriter, a la the photo of Hunter S. Thompson on the cover of Songs of the Doomed. In other news, when I asked him what he wanted for his 15th birthday, he said, "a model of the Hindenburg, typewriter ribbon, or a large lump of pure sodium". What the fuck.

2. FANFICTION RECS: The Day You Missed The First Half Of Mythbusters: I don't usually read Real Person Fiction because it creeps me out, but this is brilliant. Fanfiction for Mythbusters, written as a script, in which the two guys bust the myth that "doing gay stuff makes you gay".

Somewhere Between Plato and Disney: Stargate Atlantis/High School Music crossover (!!!) I've lost interest in SGA fic (unless written by Pru or Sperenza) but this is primarily HSM characters in the Atlantis setting, with some peripheral SGA characters. After college, Chad goes to Atlantis. And who does he meet there but a cute botanist who likes to dance and collect hats, and his old high school buddy Troy (who is now a marine)?

Cheat The Camera: Not exactly fic, but written in the style of fanfiction. A comedic and perversely romantic short story (17,000 words), told in non-chronological order, about two jackasses who end up sleeping together (note: i do not describe it as a "love story"), a young TV sketch-comedy actor/writer and a successful action-movie star. (This is made even more awesome if you know about the whole Andy Samburg-Mark Wahlberg thing, but READ IT ANYWAY.)

A General Theory About Idiots: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is like, a flawless movie. Rewatched it last week and it was just as good as the first, like, five times I saw it. If you haven't seen this film, wikipedia it, then WATCH IT. And it has produced a small but excellent selection of yuletide fics, most of which I would also recc'. I pick this one because it is so close to the film in tone. Gay Perry correct's Harry's grammar! They go to LA parties and haphazardly solve crime! God, I would happily watch eleventy billion sequels to this movie. IT IS GODLIKE. Robert Downey's narrator voice is the funniest thing ever. (Note: gossamer_tune, you texted me a line from a KKBB fic that totally made me crack up in class the other day. What fic was it from???)

Headline News: Starsky & Hutch (not slash). A newspaper article is written about S&H when are old men, and the journalist assumes they are a couple even. Although I have read a bunch of slash fic for this show (hello, duh), my opinion is that while they're incredibly close to the exclusion of, like, the rest of the world, they're not gay characters. (Note: I am so totally looking forward to whenever gracieflower and I get round to our S&H marathon. ENTERTAINMENT.)

Le Jazz Haute: Devil Wears Prada movie, Andy/Miranda. Roaring 20s AU where Andy is a showgirl and aspiring journalist who has an affair with Miranda Priestly, a rich, married newspaper editor/owner. somniesperusis a fantastic writer. I remember loving her Harry Potter stuff (which seemed pretty fucking dark to a 12-year-old) and now she writes Devil Wears Prada fic, most of it very long, plotty fic such as The End Of All Things, a novella-length story that takes place several years after the movie, in a semi-apocalyptic "Handmaid's Tale" kind of situation. It is a refugee story and a feminism story and a survival story, and is utterly brilliant.

The Hard Prayer: Stargate Atlantis. A post-apocalyptic AU story where McKay and Sheppard are survivors of a plague that wiped out Earth. They travel Stargate Command to see if there is anyone still alive in the bunker. Like much good SGA fic, it keeps the characters of the show but not the storytelling/worldbuilding tone. (Because the SGA worldbuilding is for shit. I can't believe those people get jobs in television.)

1. I've lost my house keys for the London house. This is not good. Mimi was home to let me in today, but I do not relish the idea of having to wait around for my flatmates to let me into the house, considering our wildly different sleep/lifestyle schedules.

2. The last episode of Stargate: Atlantis aired this weekend. A sad day for us all. I watched a leaked pre-air copy a couple of weeks ago, and here is what I thought of it: ( cut for spoilers. )

3. I have that feeling where it is really cold and you are tired and your tights are uncomfortable but you know that in order to remove the tights and put on your comfy pyjamas, you will have to expose bare flesh to the air. It is like when you are camping and you can't face getting up because your blood has slowed to an icy trudge overnight and everywhere except the interior of your sleeping bag is a hellish wasteland of condensation and mud. Actually, a lot of my personal comfort philosophy involves tights and the wearing thereof. This is something boys cannot understand (well, boys who aren't transvestites or superheroes or Robin Hood). I remember after some party at Tim and Yashoda and gracieflower's big old house, Tom and I woke up feeling/looking like hell. I went and changed my tights and brushed my teeth and instantly felt a million times better, whereas Tom just got worse and worse, like someone had put eyeliner on a plague victim and filled it with day-old beer. You see, had he worn tights the previous night and then changed into deliciously clean tights the next morning, he could have bypassed this pain altogether.

4. Mimi has got a pair of insane red snow boots for Christmas. I know she wanted a pair, but for some reason I assumed she meant some kind of snowboot-esque fashion item. Not so. These things are 3 inches thick of padding and look like freaking moon boots. when she puts them on she looks like a cartoon character. I am amazed.

5. Apparently I am going to Marrakech with some friends this summer. AHH JOY AND GREATNESS.

1. If it is cold here it is going to be fucking cold in Edinburgh. I'm going there for the next few days for some parties (I have been assured I will even get to sleep in beds instead of on the floor, which is pretty luxurious) and would not be surprised to find frozen corpses on the streets come January 1st, considering how many morons travel to Edinburgh for the Hogmanay street parties. Also, I imagine that attending my mother's friend's annual New Years Day tea party upon my return will be less than joyful on top of three days' compounded hangover.

2. Went to Tchai Ovna for some nice Sunday afternoon tea and Scrabble with my chums (no, srsly, we were playing honest-to-god Scrabble), but somehow ended up walking home from losangelino's at 6am the next morning. Hmm.

3. Have now seen the leaked final two episodes of SGA. "Vegas" was FUCKING AWESOME and probably the best episode ever (plus, the soundtrack contained actual recognisable music); the series finale was... less so. A lot of the finale seemed kind of nonsensical and rushed, and there were a bunch of cop-outs. But I choose to ignore this in favour of the awesome fanfictional opportunities offered by the last five-or-so minutes of the episode. OMG! But I won't post about it till after the episode has aired and more than 5 people have actually watched it. ;D

1. gracieflower's 1950s-themed 25th birthday party last night: fun times. Thankfully, no one had made a massive effort with their costumes (I don't have any 1950s clothing... it is not a flattering style for the small of bosom, I have to say)
although Grace did make an appealing picture flanked by two Buddy Hollys. I think that Mr Boyfriend was the best Buddy of the night. The fish are as unsettling as ever, and a surprisingly good icebreaker: Grace's house came with a six-foot tank filled with massive, malevolent-looking black piranhas, and they watch you. I do not envy people who had to sleep in that room.

2. Going home on Tuesday! So much to do before then... christmas shopping, packing, finishing off this FUCKING HERODOTUS ESSAY, getting books out of the library, etc. etc. I do not look forward to getting a 9am train.

3. What makes me happy today: the new Stargate: Atlantis trailer. There are only two episodes left, and the past few have been... terrible. My appreciation of SGA usually relied upon mockery or outright self-delusion (ie, I choose to believe that J-Flan's bizarre facial expressions are in fact a clever interpretation of his character as an emotional yet fundamentally repressive man, as opposed to him having trouble maintaining that level of hotness on top of remembering his lines and avoiding bumping into the scenery) but even a die-hard fan such as myself has to admit that SGA has been somewhat for shit in recent weeks.

HOWEVER, this trailer looks like the BEST EPISODE EVER. This is amazing on two levels: firstly, SGA has a history of having the worst trailers of any show in television history, and secondly, there is not usually a lot of high-quality subject-matter to work from in the first place.



It is an alternate universe episode. Not alternate universe as in "one of the characters is dead, thus leading to a rift in the trousers of time". Alternate universe as in it is CSI: ATLANTIS. The episode is entitled "Vegas", and the characters are on earth, there are no stargates, and they FIGHT CRIME IN VEGAS. On the one hand, there are undoubtedly a million AU fanfics that are already better than this, but SGA fans are used to fanfiction outstripping the show in terms of writing quality, so WHATEVER.

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS, WATCH THIS TRAILER. IT IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME.

So originally this was going to be a ficdump where I posted a bunch of random scenes from this SGA AU fic that's been languishing for like a year, but I ended up writing a whole bunch more of it today. I may or may not develop it into a proper story, I haven't decided yet. I have labeled this story "Self-indulgent West Wing AU", wherein Sheppard is the White House Press Secretary, Rodney is a reporter, Woolsey is the President and Elizabeth is the VP. It may lack a certain something in the field of narrative coherency, but that's only because it's probably missing a few scenes and I wrote like 3000 words of it today. You should read it anyway.

Note: people who read my LJ and know me in real life (PARTICULARLY TIM), please do not read this because I like to delude myself that you have some respect for me.


( Cut for self-indulgent SGA AU fic )

HAHAHA, SHEPPARD = TOTALLY GAY AND JEALOUS.
Also, work those biceps, Rodney, you know it. If only you would just wear the fucking blue science team shirt.

Anyway, back to the show...

ETA: Anyone else notice the mournful note in the soundtrack when Sheppard leaves McKay's room about 45 seconds in? That's to signify the fact that Sheppard can't take the pain any more and is off to listen to Alanis Morisette in his room, and cry.

1. They have put up the casting call for characters for the new Stargate spinoff, Stargate Universe. It already promises to be hilarious. One of the characters is a young socialite and senator's daughter? Another is named "Psycho" because of his anger-management issues? One of them is described as "Every teenage girl's fantasy" (a cross between Zac Efron, Johnny Depp and a therapist, in other words)? AWESOME. Why are these people on a spaceship??? Answer: It doesn't matter because even though everyone hates the show because it is replacing SGA, we will all watch the pilot anyway and subsequently become hooked because we are a bunch of hopeless junkies.

I already predict that there will be slash fanfiction written about:

a) Colonel Everett Young (the commander and token middle-aged person on the otherwise teenybopper crew), and every other male character. Because he is experienced and in charge and all the others are lithe and youthful and yes, fandom, you know what I'm sayin'. You're a bunch of pervs. Remember Snape and Harry? It's gonna be like that, but with spaceships and military uniforms.

b) Eli Hitchcock (slacker genius outcast, from a broken home) and Lt. Jared Nash ("every teenage girl's fantasy", "like Jason Bourne"). Jared Nash will build bombs and always carry a knife with which to untie himself when he's inevitably kidnapped and tied up; Eli Hitchcock will have secret inner pain from his childhood outcast-ness, and Jared Nash will comfort him with his penis. I name this pairing NASHCOCK.

Freja's parents were here for most of the day, assembling more Ikea furniture. I was not a gracious hostess -- I fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon and just lay in bed like a sloth most of the time they were here. This is because last night's Cajun dancing (VERY FUN) was exhausting, and then Grace, Tom and Ed were round till like 3am. Still, I probably would have struggled greatly with interacting with Freja's parents for an entire day. They are so nice to me and less scary than a lot of my friends' parents, but there is such a cultural gap between us I can't think of anything to say.

Also, F's mum asked me about eight times what I was going to do tonight, and looked utterly shocked every time I said "nothing". Yeah, okay, all my friends are out of town and I am not going to call up some random acquaintance and go to a bar just to live up to some lame student social ideal. I am staying in and watching SGA. Anyway, I can't afford to go out every weekend and act like an episode of Skins until I've got myself some gainful employment.

First things first: as I have mentioned previously, the single worst thing about SGA is the fact that McKay no longer wears the tight blue science team shirt of hotass. I had assumed that this was due to uniform changes. HOWEVER, in this episode Beckett is seen wearing said shirt. What gives, SGA? WHY DO YOU TEASE ME SO?

So,this ep was really sort of terrible, but in a way that I totally enjoyed. I mean, there was a shocking lack of McKay, the female soldiers continued to have completely non-regulation hair (OMG SGA, YOU SUCK), and there were some scenes during which it seemed like the actors were competing to see who could deliver the terrible dialogue in the most wooden way possible. However, none of these factors detracted from my viewing experience at all.

( Cut for spoilers to SGA 5x07 'Whispers', although quite frankly, there is NOTHING to spoil in this episode. )

Just looked at J. Maz's blog. Is it just me or does that look like KOLYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (?)

In non-spoilery news about this episode: SHEPPARD'S SLINKY BLACK ZIPPY SHIRT OF SEXINESS HAS RETURNED! Apparently it has been in the extra-clothing box of the rescue puddlejumper for the past three seasons. If Sheppard's black slinky shirt of hotass can return, does this mean we will also get to see McKay's blue science team shirt again? The tight one with the zippy collar and the bicep-revealing sleeves? I think you all know which one I am talking about. Yes, that's right: THE NIPPLE SHIRT. I'm pretty sure I remember deciding we should start some manner of "Bring back the Nipple Shirt" campaign and receiving some support for it, actually, but sadly this is the last season and therefore we have run out of .opportunities for The Shirt. Unless we start a fan-campaign for the shirt to return in the SGA movie? Hmmm... Questions/comments/suggestions?


In conclusion: GIVE HIM A MOTHERFUCKING HUG, SHEPPARD, YOU EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE.

Also: How can a tear-jerking episode about Alzheimers and tormented forbidden love be more entertaining than last-weeks episode about killer robots? THIS IS THE MAGIC OF STARGATE..

P.S. I feel bad for Tom. He is coming to stay with me next week and I am totally going to make him watch this, even though I am pretty sure he hates Stargate. Well, suck it up. You are a guest, and therefore have to courteously pretend that you appreciate the genius of the Hew & Flan Show if you want to have the luxury on my sofa, dude.

There is a new, better trailer for SGA season 5. AAAAAAAAAHHHH.

( SPOILERS! )
Joe Flanigan continues to look mildly puzzled!
I cannot wait!!!!!

Less than a month to go!

So seven pages of a season 5 SGA episode have been leaked. A monumentous occasion, to be sure. Also, pictures! As far as I can tell the episode is going to be tip-top awesome: Rodney wears a tight black t-shirt and holds a gun, Ronon looks hot and badass and holds a gun, Sheppard looks faintly puzzled and holds a gun, both Carter and Keller have bemusingly fwooshy hair, the holographic Doctor from Voyager wears an paisley-patterned tie, and at some point everyone goes to an alien planet and some stuff happens. WHOO, BABY. I think we can all agree that this is the best show on television, right? Am I right?

Okay, first without the spoilers:

1. I have a gigantic love for the locker room. There seriously need to be more scenes set in the locker room, even though I find it a little strange that they have all the tac vests hanging up for people to pick up at random. Wouldn't people have their own personalised vests? Like McKay's would have anti-allergy medication and energy snacks in the pockets and Sheppard would have, like, a gameboy.

2. In general, the set design has totally improved this season, hasn't it? I'm no expert, but they must have got a bigger budget this season, what with all the dramatically steam-vented warehouse battles scenes, badass new spaceships etc.

3. Now Kolya is tragically gone, Michael is my favouritest SGA villain. The wraith are kind of ridiculous, after all -- theoretically terrifying, but mainly just kind of hilarious and/or kinky. And the dude in charge of the replicators is that minister dude from The Dead Zone, so I kept expecting him to start declaiming about god or the apocalypse or whatever. (Although that would actually have been pretty cool. The replicators could do with being a bit more cylon-y.)

4. Ronon hugging people is almost unfeasibly adorable. I ♥ him!

5. Halling is 100% Qui Gon Jinn, even though his hair and beard have been removed for that traumatised POW look. I now love Halling. How awesome is he?

6. Dear costume department: who the hell decided that Teyla should wear leather trousers while pregnant? What the fuck. Speaking as someone who has worn leather trousers on more than one occasion and probably will again, I can testify that they are not enormously comfortable. And combined with running around on alien planest shooting things, all while a tiny person is growing in your belly and making you have to pee every ten minutes? Uh, no.

( And now for the more spoilery stuff. )

Only one more episode left in the season! How will I deal with life?

ETA: Just saw trailers for the season finale next week. OH HOLY SHIT. Ordinarily my reaction to SGA trailers is a combination of "that looks hilarious and/or badass", and "that is the worst editing ever", but somehow they have managed to put together a trailer that a) looks competant, and b) OMG I MUST SEE IT OMG OMG. Also, OMG! Although Jewel Staite's, without giving too much away: wow, you vixen. I am totally going to spend every one of Sheppard's scenes biting my nails in terror, despite what looks like uncharacteristically terrible-80s-music-video special effects. "Quick, get a red lamp and a smoke machine -- it's the apocalypse!"

So some 100% AWESOME things are apparently going to happen in season 5 of SGA. My favourite is this new cast member.

( CASTING SPOILER )

Also, Jason Momoa has cut off all his hair. Does anyone have a picture?

1. Do you know what I'm loving right now? Listening to as many recordings of Ellen's Gesang as possible, so I am less than thrilled by my father's lifelong ambition to get me to love his music through giving me boxed-sets for every one of my birthday. I mean, at what point have I ever hinted that I would appreciate this year's gift, the complete string quartets? I am slogging my way through out of politeness, but jesus. It's like trying to convert someone to a love of Shakespeare by handing them one of those brick-like Complete Works with teeny tiny print: an uphill battle, to say the least. He should be appreciative of the fact that I can enjoy a little Palestrina along with my Pussycat Dolls and have done with it.

In conclusion, it is unlikely that when it comes to Beethoven, I will every actively seek out anything other than the Moonlight Sonata.

2. So today I discovered that the reason why I've been receiving so little mail is that half of it has been stored under my second-second-name, meaning that more relatives had remembered my birthday than I previously thought. I fully intend on spending some of this birthday money on the final season of The West Wing, although possibly not for a while because a) I haven't watched the finale of s6 yet, and b) I am afraid the guy at the DVD shop near my house will recognise me and be like, "You watched a 22 episode season in five days?" and be horrified at my (not actually) hermit-like existence.

3. SGA 4x0, "Miller's Crossing": ( SPOILERS. )

In other news, I am more injured from dancing last night than I previous thought: invisible eyebrow bruise (those are the worst), arms (still), lower back bruising and bruising in shin despite harness boots, all add to my list of general injuries. But, you know... bring the pain!

I started off with such noble plans: Oh, Waterworld! I can write searing political commentary about climate change and the evils thereof, and create beautiful science fiction! And then I wrote, essentially, Baywatch with aliens, 6000 words of Sheppard lounging around on a boat while wet.

Title: After the Flood
Rating: R
anotheratlantis prompt: 41. (Waterworld) Global warming has melted the polar caps. Rodney McKay has a map leading to the only remaining dry land, and John has a boat.
Summary: post-apocafic McKay/Sheppard. Long after mankind managed to flood earth, most people are living in carefully controlled cities on the remaining fertile land-masses, or are drifters at sea. Rodney McKay thinks he can find hope for the human race in the shape of the lost city of Atlantis, but no one is willing to help him find it until John Sheppard.
Author's Notes: So I haven't actually seen Waterworld, but from what I've heard it's not so very much of a loss. I did read the book of the film when I was, like, eight, so I have a basic idea of what it's about. I just took the idea of a post-climate-change flood and ran with it.

( Read more... )

Title: Following Seas
Word Count: 10,500
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He has to remind himself that Rodney’s part of his team and team members watch one another’s backs, it’s what they do. And if Rodney maybe watches John’s back a little more intently than is strictly necessary, it’s not hurting anyone. 
Author's Notes: Kind of a sequel to When The Water Takes Us Home, but you don't need to have read it to understand this.



 

Part 2

If you are on my flist and in SGA fandom I guess you have probably readcesperanza's new fic. But if you haven't, my god, WHY NOT. It's... to quotetoft_froggy, HISTORIOGRAPHY IN FIC. As in, over 60% of the (novel-length, as in 55,000 words)  is made up of quotes from (fictional) academic texts, each of which is written by different scientists/historians/anthropologists and each of which has a very clear personality and style of writing. People, the academics argue with one another just like in real-life journals. Words cannot express my joy over this. The other 40% is ordinary (very high-quality in every way, however)  fic, the narrative about which each of the academic texts was later written.

It's fascinating to experience what really happened in the form of the fic, and then see how everyone else saw it. For example, because I empathasie with Sheppard, etc. I am absolutely certain they did the right thing in whatever pivotal situation, but then years later there are all these historians debating and bickering over what actually happened and why, each with barely any first-hand evidence. It's a strongly political piece of fiction, not in the sense that it's particularly allegorical, at least not to any specific situation, but in the sense that Cesperanza creates an entire political history, albeit one of about 4 years, and runs with it. Sheppard, McKay and the team do not know that they are making history, but they are and we know it because we are witnessing everything from a retrospective. God, it is genius. I read it as slowly as possible, making sure to take every word in. 

In my mind I classify the fic I like into three categories. In the first is fun stuff, random AUs, comedy, fluffy romance for a depressing cold day, dumb mystery/action/adventure, that sort of thing. It's fic I del.icio.us and then probably forget about, but at the time think is awesome and enjoy greatly. It's not necessarily shortfic, but it usually is. The second category is fic I love, usually because it is in some way weird and different or makes me think (see: everythingtrinityofoneever wrote), or because it was generally fantastic writing. I bookmark theses fics in del.icio.us and read them, well, mostly multiple times. The final category is fic that genuinely awes me with its epicness, stories that are entertaining and moving to read while being clever and original. Essentially, it is fic I would pay for if fic came in book form. So far this category contains, as far as I can think, two fics: Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose by synecdochic, and Written By The Victors by cesperanza.

 

If I ever have to read the phrase "single tear", "solitary tear", "lonely tear" or any varient thereof ever again, it will be too soon. Especially when it is spilling down the flawless, pale, golden, tanned, stubbled, aged-but-in-a-good-way-like-malt-whiskey, lined with stress, unmarred by age, scarred cheek of motherfucking Colonel Sheppard. *flails*

I give it two weeks before Solitary Tear Syndrome reaches Donald Strachey fandom. Is there any way to head it off? Is there any escape? They always hit where you least expect it. Snape, Gibbs from NCIS... god help me if there is Die Hard fanfiction out there where John McClane sheds that perfect lonely tear, because if there is I will have to cut a bitch.

OH MY GOD STARGATE: ATLANTIS SEASON 4 PROMO OMGOMGOMG EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

( Some spoilers for the next season. All information below this cut is proof that I have fewer than three braincells to rub together. )


Why no Ronon? I want to see a Ronon clip, dammit! And Rodney! Why no McKay? We get all this shit with Amanda Tapping (great hair, by the way), who, hello, dull, but where the McKay?

I have said it before and I will say it again, SGA is the one show where I would totally bang every single character. This fact was increased a thousandfold once they got rid of Carson, but the addition of Carter does tone it down a little. Does my deep and enduring love of Jewel Staite make up for the irritation inspired by Carter? Oh, who the hell cares, SGA is the most awesome thing ever and I am a huge whore of a nerd for it, THE END. I am like one of the geeks from Galaxy Quest who shows up to conventions in costume and corrects the scriptwriters on Major Lorne's middle name, for real.

1. I made SGA commentfic at aesc's.

2. Ticket bought for first showing of POTC! What I want to know is, why isn't there a midnight showing, huh? So instead we're all doing an all-nighter to watch the first two Pirates movies, and then stagger into town at 10am on a Thursday after a healthgiving breakfast of coffee and red bull and other caffeinated, sugary substances. God, the hardcore.

3. Godfrey Ho: why did he never win an Oscar? Clearly one of the most brilliant directors ever. I have watched three of his movies now and I have to say that I see more and more beauty and subtlety in his work every time I see another one. The latest on the list of films we have viewed at our little Godfrey Ho appreciation society was The Ninja Dragon, which like many others stars Bruce Stallion (and co-stars Bruce Stallion's somewhat suspect porntache). I have come to the conclusion that Bruce Stallion must have been his muse, the Uma to his Quentin, the Vittoria to his Michaelangelo, the Edie to his Andy.

4. As well as my mother being elected councillor, she is now also a Bailey. Although I am not entirely sure what this entails it does mean she gets one of those enormous gold chains (plus additional bodyguard) and for some reason, a BlackBerry, presumably all paid for by taxpayers' money. Huh. 

5. Have acquired dress and shoes for prom. Truly horrifying amount of money spent, or at least a truly horrifying amount from the perspective of one such as myself who buys all her clothes at Oxfam and the Shelter Shop. I am going to have to wear this dress to every formal event for the rest of mylife in order to warrant all this frivolous spending. (P.S. Four inch heels! For dancing! Did I ever have a brain or was it driven out by Godfrey Ho movies?)

Posted the first few parts of another SGA fic down here at 3daychallenge. Note to self: go to sleep! 

P.S. Spiderman 3 completely hilarious. Many, many emo hair jokes... and Peter Parker dances! To jazz music! The Venom suit, instead of making him, like, ev0l like in the comicbooks, just makes him all arrogant, meaning it's Peter-the-dork, except ludicrously overconfidant and doing a sexy dance. Awesome.

So I made a fanfictional contribution to this weekend's three day challenge. Stargate: Atlantis, PG, Sheppard/McKay although basically gen. This weekend's theme is carnivals and anyone can join in, it's open till Monday morning!

Title: When the water takes us home
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Elizabeth Weir
Word Count: 3500
Rating: PG-13, for language
Summary: John, Rodney and Elizabeth during and after The Return, Pt. 1. McShep, if you look at it the right way. "Sam Carter has turned every woman in Area 51 against me with scurrilous lies, and the only gay bar within driving distance has a fucking moose head on the wall. I am never going to get laid.”
Author's Notes: This fic has nothing to do with today's topic of rape & sexual assault, because, well, it's a serious issue and writing fiction about traumatic subjects in a sensitive light is just not something I can manage. However, you can click here to read today's 14valentines article on the subject.

Just a pre-emptive spoiler warning here, but in all seriousness, the suggestion that anything ever happens in SGA is kind of ludicrous. Apart from last episode, but whatever. Anyway, Submersion:

1. This episode is pretty much the reason why SGA is awesome: Oh, oops, we stupidly sent the Atlantis expedition leader, the Athosian princess chick, the military leader, the science team leader and half the science team to an underwater drilling station in a tiny, tiny submarine, and what a shock when DISASTER STRUCK. "You mean to say we only have two hours before the explosion detonates the magma at the core of the planet, setting off a chain of events too catastrophic to imagine? Quick, fix it by shooting an alien and getting McKay to press random buttons on a console made from Christmas lights and cardboard!"

2. It is so clear to me that this show is written entirely by nerds. McKay's complete lack of social skills kills me, especially the fact that he only remembered one guy's name because it was Grayson, "as in Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne's ward". OMG.

3. John Sheppard? Also kills me, especially his line with the growling and the "I hate queens!" I almost ruptured something at that point trying not to laugh, as was watching the ep with my mother, and she would probably see that reaction as crass. But, come on. Also, loving the fact that to date, every time he has come into contact with a Wraith Queen, she has been all "On your knees, puny human!" and then mind-controlled him to said knees in the manner of Hot Voldemort in the GoF movie, which is a) hot, and b) hilarious in that J-Flan cannot act and he merely looks as though he is collapsing from, like, constipation as opposed to Manly Resistence To Teh Ev0l.

4. On a purely aesthetic and superficial note, whoever is doing Elizabeth's hair should totally be fired. Is it meant to be wavy? Artfully tousled? Who knows? All I can say is that this bizarre, messy rigidity must stop at once because it is making me lose my faith in the one rule of all great mainstream sci-fi, ie, All Female Characters Shalt Be Hot Like Burning. After the not-so-brief flirtation with mom-hair, I thought all would be well but no, apparently Elizabeth is using her special diplomatic skillz to have George Micheal's Wham!-era hairspray shipped all the way to the Pegasus Galaxy.

Title: Give, for wild confusion, peace.
Author: cobweb_diamond
Characters: John Sheppard, John/Rodney
Word Count: 1500
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post-Sunday. John and Rodney attend Carson's funeral back on Earth.
Author's Notes: I have an entire notebook of unfinished Stargate: Atlantis fic, but no, this is what I finish first, something I wrote in one go at 1am, as always. *sighs* Well, there goes my SGA virginity. Despair, all!



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So last night it seemed like a really good idea to sit up until 3am to write a His Dark Materials/Stargate: Atlantis crossover where everyone has daemons. One has to wonder, really, if this is mere geekery as previously supposed or if there is some deeper underlying mental problem.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks I have somehow found time to start writing six or seven Stargate fics, all of which are going to end up in excess of 10000 words and at least one of which is going eventually going to be posted here. So, in an attempt to make at least a couple of my friends (I'm hoping that I'll net celebriangel, at least) read this shit, here is a quick summary of what goes on in SGA.

General information

1. The stargate is a wormhole which allows people to travel through space, like a big teleporter. Earth has one, and so does Atlantis, but as Atlantis is in a galaxy far, far away when the expedition gets there they find out that the Atlantis stargate has run out of batteries (ZPMs), so they can't make the return trip. So, they need to find a ZPM.

2. None of this "science" has ever or will ever make sense. In fact, nothing in SGA ever makes any sense. Sometimes it is even worse than in Dr Who. 

3. The city of Atlantis is an alien city in the Pegasus galaxy, built by a race known imaginatively as the Ancients. Earth sends a few hundred scientists and US marines there so they can check out all the cool Ancient gadgets and maybe find some nifty weapons that the Ancients left behind when they evolved into mystical beings of pure light. Remember what I said about nothing ever making sense?

4. The wraith are the baddies. They are space vampires who look like Legolas crossed with Marilyn Manson crossed with a shark, and they turn up on random planets in the Pegasus glaxy every few years in order to "cull" their crop of humans. The earth expedition has been there precisely two days before they manage to awaken the entire race of wraith that have been dormant for thousands of years.

5. The Pegasus galaxy is populated with humans who speak English and have surprisingly similar civilisations to earth. Following the tradition of Stargate: SG1, planets come in three types: Canadian Forest, Canadian Grassland and Village In Front Of Painted On Background In Canadian Studio Backlot.

Characters

Dr Elizabeth Weir: In charge of the expedition. She's a diplomat, and always wears really tight red shirts. Before she leaves earth she dumps her husband by video message, however, showing that perhaps she isn't the prime choice of diplomatic leader the US government seemed to think she was. 

Major John Sheppard: Hot military action hero, a fighter pilot who is only the expedition because he has the "Ancient gene", meaning he can activate all the nifty gadgets they find on the city. He spends most of the time blowing stuff up, quipping and hitting on hot alien priestesses a la Captain Kirk, all whilst wearing sunglasses and a smirk. Also, such a macho emotional cripple.

Dr Rodney McKay: Head scientist, and on Sheppard's team who go through the Stargate to explore the other planets near Atlantis. He's Canadian, a total geek, and is always hysterical, bitchy and sarcastic to everyone, and spends the whole time whining. He is also the closest thing that Sheppard has to a meaningful human relationship. He is a physicist, but spends most of the time mending alien spaceships and using his techie know-how to save everyone at the last moment. See above comment about nothing ever making any sense.

Dr Carson Beckett: Medical doctor. He's a geneticist, but inexplicably the guy they always call for any kind of medical emergency, up to and including alien plagues or Sheppard turning into a bug. See above. 

Teyla Emmagen: Third member of Sheppard's offworld team. She's from a planet named Athos, and is the leader of her people. She dresses in tight leather, beats people up with sticks and is on the team because she has trade-links with everyone in the entire Pegasus galaxy. See above.

Lieutenant Ford: Only normal person on entire show, so naturally disposed of at the end of season 1. He's adorable right up until when he becomes a drug-addled supersoldier with a crazy-huge pupil in one eye after becoming addicted to some enzyme the wraith produce. See above. 

Ronon Dex: He's basically Chewbacca. Huge, gleaming muscles, long dreads, and communicates in grunts. He replaces Ford when he goes batshit, as he's spent the past seven years as a wraith chew-toy and has oodles of expereience in blowing them up. Mainly he just shoots stuff, and yet he is inexplicably awesome. 

Dr Zelenka: Czech second in command to McKay. He is the coolest thing ever and is cute like a bunny, even though all he ever does is call McKay an idiot and do the technobabble thing while gazing longingly at Dr Weir through a curtain of Mad Scientist hair.

Why it's awesome and you must all convert at once

1. It's available on Youtube. Just search for "Strgte Atlnts". 

2. It's hilarious. And not just in a bad sci-fi way. It has The Funny, which is more than you can say for most Star Trek, etc.

3. McKay and Sheppard are the best double act in geek history, aside from The Doctor and Rose. You need to se a couple of episodes to get this properly, but it's what makes the show for me. They're bestest friends in the fucked-up manner of House and Wilson of House, MD. Sheppard is an emotionally paralysed manwhore who continually volunteers for suicide missions on a daily basis. McKay is an egotistic genius who runs away from danger right up until the moment where ethre's no other option, and then he saves the day with his awesome geek skills.

4. Watch the episode Inferno. In it McKay fixes an enormous alien spaceship in the space of a day (g'mornin', stark realism) to rescue an entire planet full of people from a giant volcano. Also, there is one of the obligatory Hot Alien Women, who is hit on by McKay and Sheppard simultaneously. Imagine and Han Solo and hyperactive Trekkie fighting over Pamela Anderson and you'll get an ideao of how indescribably brilliant this is.